There's a Hilton in the sky For all the good fen when they die The elevators never stick The banquets don't serve plastic chicken Only grade A prime And you're guaranteed a real good time That just goes on and on If you're good enough to go to Heaven-Con It's membership by invitation only And all the hotel rooms and meals are comps The wet-bar in the consuite is a freebie And all femme-fen are ready for a romp The bathtubs are all filled with girls and Jell-O And every author waits your beck and call They ask for your advice on their new novels And ask for autographs out in the hall There's a Hilton in the sky For all the good fen when they die The panels never start till three No one disturbs you when you're sleeping All the filk songs rhyme And you're guaranteed a real good time That just goes on and on If you're good enough to go to Heaven-Con There's mirrors on the ceiling in each bedroom And 3-D videos on every wall And levitators waiting at your elbow For the times when you're too drunk to even crawl The dealer's room extends eternal credit They just forget to send the bills along And when you make your way into the filkroom You find you've been immortalized in song There's a Hilton in the sky For all the good fen when they die The bidding parties never end And all the other fen are friendly Boredom is a crime And you're guaranteed a real good time That just goes on and on If you're good enough to go to Heaven-Con